How To Be Present In Your Relationship

Have you heard the saying Your Presence is the Best Present?

How often do you really give your full attention to your partner with no distractions? No checking your cell phone, no TV on in the background, no shushing children - just your unwavering attention?

Unfortunately, sometimes we can be the least present in our most important relationships.

The single most important thing we can ever give our partner is our full attention, our presence. To really be with them, to listen intently, to communicate and connect on a deeper level than we might do day-to-day.

Here are 4 HOT TIPS on how to be the most present partner ever:

  1. Turn off your phone when you’re together

Yes, Turn it off! Like OFF, OFF.

Curb your phone addiction, turn off those electronics. Start with doing it just for 1 hour… and then build up to an entire night or day. You can do it!

Being distracted by our phone is a huge killer of intimacy.

If you’re freaking out thinking “Ah, I feel naked without my phone!”, just notice the feelings that come up.

It may feel vulnerable for you to give your full attention to your partner and if you’re not familiar with these feelings, it may actually feel kind of uncomfortable. This just makes this gift all the more valuable to your partner.

Just be with the feelings.

  1. Ask questions

Ask your partner questions that you’ve never asked before or don’t normally ask.  

This will help you learn more about your partner and bring you closer together. They will love that you even asked these questions let alone that you listened intently to the answers.

If you want bonus points, write them out on cue cards in advance and take turns asking each other.

Here are some conversation starter suggestions:

  • Who was your favorite teacher in elementary school?
  • Which celebrity do you admire most and why?
  • If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?

You get the idea 😉

  1. Play bonding games

Play is a natural way to connect with others.  When we have fun and enjoy experiences with each other we naturally feel closer.

And isn’t that the point of relationships? To celebrate our love and feel closer? Yes!

These games are so simple and fun! If it feels a bit lame or you make mistakes, laugh along together, because laughter is also a great way to connect 😉

Here are some ideas for fun games you can play:

The Trust-Don’t Fall
You know, the one where one person stands behind the other and the one behind catches them? Try that. Just make sure you actually catch them! There’s also a more advanced version if you’re up for it?

You have advanced to the next level:  Find a wide open space, like a park. One person closes their eyes while the other person gives them verbal instructions to move about in the space. Eg. “walk straight ahead… now run… now slow down… now turn left…” and so on.

Eye Gazing
Sit down comfortably facing each other and stare into each others eyes for a set amount of time. Set a timer and try to last the whole time.

Be present, and just keep connecting with your partner even through any emotions that may arise (laughter or tears). Couples who do this usually feel an instant boost in intimacy as if they are seeing their partner for the first time again.

  1. Give up your “grumpies”

This one is really simple… leave your grumpies at home!

On a date night, make a point to be positive all night and don’t bring up any grievances, not even one tiny little sly comment disguised as a joke 😉

Say yes to whatever your partner wants to do, be easy going and choose love over being “right”.

So ditch that phone, get a sitter or put your kids to bed early, wrap yourself up in presence and get ready for a special night really “BEING” with your partner.

If you want to learn more simple strategies that can dramatically improve the quality of your relationship, check out my “Master Male / Female Communication" webinar. It’s full of actionable tips to improve your communication with the opposite sex immediately.


Laurie-Anne King