Do you know how to successfully ask for what you want in a relationship?
It’s a great time to check in on the pulse of your relationship.
How are things going? Are your needs being met? Are you meeting the needs of your partner?
One of the fastest ways to increase your level of satisfaction in your relationship is to get better at asking for what you want.
Yes - asking for what you want is in fact a skill… and one that really pays off to master!
So here are three tips to getting better at asking for what you want:
1. Know what you want
If you’re going to ask for what you want, you’re going to need to know what you actually want (umm…duh).
Sounds simple… but it isn’t always easy.
A lot of people find it easier to know what they don’t want, but when it comes to what they do want, they haven’t put in the intellectual effort to know.
Growing up, many women are socialized to put their needs second (sometimes even third or fourth) and those are their needs, so you can imagine how unimportant their wants can seem. These can seem so distant, it may feel like you don’t even know what they are.
Don’t worry, your desires haven’t abandoned you, even if they feel hard to get in touch with.
Here is one way to get a clue:
Pay attention to what you don’t want, don’t like or complain about, and ask yourself if you’d like the exact opposite of that. It might not always get you right on the mark of what you desire, but you’ll be a whole lot closer.
If you’d like to master male/female communication, you can join my free online webinar.
2. Bite the bullet
The most common reason I hear from relationship coaching clients about why they didn’t just ask for what they wanted is: “I shouldn’t have to”.
I get it. I’ve felt this frustration before. I too have wished that my partner could read my mind and gotten annoyed at him when he didn’t.
It isn’t really fair to expect someone else who has a different brain, different values, and different memories to think exactly the way we do.
Besides, obviously they don’t just know what we want or they probably would have made it happen already. So my rule is “if you want it, it’s your job to ask for it”.
3. Triple AAA: Appreciate, Ask, Appreciate
Appreciation is like the gas in your car. It’s what makes it possible for the car to go. A request that isn’t fueled by genuine appreciation can’t go very far.When asking your partner for what you want, always start with appreciation first.
This isn’t manipulation - this must be genuine appreciation, which means you have to actually get present to how incredible the human in front of you is and what you appreciate about him.
Then make your “ask”. Ask for something that is clear, actionable and completable. Meaning, don’t ask him to make you feel a certain way or to never do something again. Ask for something that has an obvious point of completion so both you and your partner can feel like you’ve won.
Your partner is going to respond with either a “yes”, a “no” or a “counter offer”. Regardless of how he responds, appreciate him again! Either for taking on what you asked for or even just for hearing you out.
When we ask for what we want we not only do we empower ourselves, but we give our partner permission to do the same and it strengthens the foundation of our relationship.
So ask for what you want, reclaim your Wonder Woman, and watch your relationship communication soar to a whole new level… is it a bird, is it a plane…? No, it’s you and your partner flying high into the sky 😉
To discover and manifest what you want, not only in your relationship, but in all areas of your life, join my free online webinar.